Episode 131: Tales of the Fandom Chin - A Bruce Campbell Retrospective

You found the battered VHS tape in a trunk stored in the cabin's basement. There was a lock on the clasp but the lid had rotted allowing you access to the variety of mouldy junk within.

With shaking fingers you reach out to push the tape's spine into the old VCR, you feel the smooth raised surface of the word "GROOVY" written in office white-out along the space where a label should be. The tape begins...

"Hi, I'm Leo and this is Ian and we have been researching urban legends, specifically this one about the so-called 'Hero From The Sky'. The legend relates that if you say the words 'Chuck Finley' into a mirror three times a man in leather pants with a dubious beard will come to your house and crash on your sofa for a week..."

You have heard the legend yourself, but you've never been brave enough to so much as whisper the name of the unspeakable god of B-Movie schlock. What would happen should you succeed? What if he arrives in his other guise as OAP Elvis? What if he likes your place so much he parks a trailer on your front lawn and fills your attic with dead-ites?

Sure, you're a fan, but are you really THAT much of a fan?

This episode uses excerpts of Town Braggart by John Bartmann

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/131talesofthefandomchinabrucecampbellretrospective/131%20-%20Tales%20of%20the%20Fandom%20Chin%20-%20A%20Bruce%20Campbell%20Retrospective.mp3

Episode 123: Star Trek is Screwed

Indeed it is, and has been for so long that the title of this episode has been baking since 2013 when Ian first suggested it. Things weren't much better then, when Ian thought of the idea because a certain Time Lord's 50th Anniversary was coming up. The Doctor had bunting in his Tardis, cake and a War Doctor incarnation played by John Hurt to celebrate.

At almost the same time Star Trek was coming up to its 50th. What did Kirk et al. get? A re-sequel of a re-boot and then forgotten for a couple of years. Then, like a zombie a second sequel to the re-boot came along as well as a shiny new series unavailable except via extortion in the country of its birth. Star Trek did not have the best birthday or aftermath of birthday.

Has it ever been thus? The plug was pulled on Classic Star Trek but it wouldn't die, resurrected in the girdle-clad flesh to shamble on to cinema screens in competition with Star Wars. Then brought back to television and it seemed the rough years were over. Until, three patchy spin offs down the line, we crashed headlong into the shuffling embarrassment of awkwardness that was Enterprise, along with the crushingly awful Nemesis and that appeared to be it.

But you shouldn't count your tribbles until they've been to the vet for neutering (no, seriously). There was the reboot, which was delayed in release so long it looked like it might just get shelved and then... well, here we are, spore drives and a movie franchise that may, possibly, have flatlined. Is this any way to run a Space Federation? Join the 80s kids in their final show for this season and let the moaning commence.

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/206StarTrekEditFinal/2-06-Star-Trek-Edit-Final.mp3

This episode features an excerpt from Cutting To The Chase by the outstanding Kai Engel.

Episode 116: 2015 Summer review LIVEish

Six months ago they who shall be known as the 80s Kids made their summer predictions. They picked the movies that they believed would do the business at the box office and grab the summer movie dollar. Now comes the time of the Predictoreckoning! Were they on the money? Or were they hopelessly out of touch? Did they find the gobbliest turkey? Did they unearth a surprise gem? Tune in to find out!

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/1162015SummerReviewLIVEish/116-2015-summer-review-LIVEish.mp3

Episode 114: The 80s Kids ABC of Cinema - WXYZ

Oh how the years have flown by, and so it is like letters of the alphabet so are the days of our lives. The 80s Kids have bested three and a half decades of genre cinema and they're not going to let the weird end of the alphabet get them down.

It's a three-of-four week so you can also speculate as to whether anyone will have picked a 'W'. X-citement will surely build to X-cruciating levels before, X-position being what it is the X-hausting truth will be X-posed.

Y? You may ask. Y all the terrible puns? Y ask Y when we ask Y not? After all it's our second to last chance so Y not cut loose and enjoy ourselves.

Finally we tackle the perennial problem of zombies. After all in TUV we talked about their charming bloodsucker counterparts. Do our movie monster choices have much to do with American politics? Well, there's only one way to find out the answer, and it will be one hell of a story.

Incidental music by incompetech.com



Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/114The80sKidsABCOfCinemaWXYZ/114-the-80s-kids-ABC-of-cinema-WXYZ.mp3

Episode 113: The 80s Kids Top 5 Films of the 00s Face Off - Part Two

Gosh it seems like it's taken us a long time to get here. Which is BECAUSE IT HAS! Two and a bit years is a long time in anyone's book. If someone had put you in a box and buried you for that long you'd jolly well know about it by now... or maybe you wouldn't.

Anyway, here we are. The 80s Kids faves of the 00s are about to be known by one and, indeed all. The implication of this is that with a little careful re-examination of the archive you could build some kind of Uber List of 80s Kids top movies from the 70s, 80s, 90s and 00s. That's a lot of favourite movie action there people.

Anyway, now you're back after your impromptu film festival of the last four decades(ish) of cinema I have to tell you that you missed up to 8 important movies. Yes, you, you're always running off to do stuff without thinking it through.

The 80s Kids, and there are four of them, have two movies each yet to disclose. You went off to watch the rest and left these ones out. So you'd better sit down right now and listen to this podcast because only then will your life be complete*.

Incidental music by incompetech.com

*This may not actually happen. But it's a good podcast.



Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/113The80sKidsTop5OfThe00sFaceOffPartTwo/113-the-80s-kids-top-5-of-the-00s-face-off-part-two.mp3

Episode 112: The 80s Kids Top 5 of the 00s Face Off Part One

You know the drill people, we start with 5 films, all withheld from each other's knowledge. We countdown from 5 to 3 taking turns to reveal our picks. Simultaneous choices could lead to harmonious joy or social awkwardness. Who knows which way it will go.

Leo's pretty confident that he won't be interfering with anyone else's picks in the first part of the countdown. Sue believes she hasn't picked anything that other people will have gone for. Ian and Justin are both more wary.

Will there be upsets? Harmony? Discord? Social Awkwardness? A rapidly shoehorned in Shia Lebeouf monster? There's only one way to find out!

... Yes... that's listen to the podcast. What did you think I meant? Hum. Okay, why would I have meant that? You need help.

Incidental music provided as ever by Incompetech.com



Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/112The80sKidsTop5OfThe00sFaceOffPartOne/112-the-80s-kids-top-5-of-the-00s-face-off-part-one.mp3

Episode 111: The 80s Kids ABC Of Cinema - TUV

It's all getting a bit wild as we come to the end of the alphabet. Sure, T is a reasonably well behaved letter but U and V? Not many choices there... something will have to be done.

To deal with the crossed T up front. Leo feels like a life on the ocean wave could get eerily repetitive. Ian needs to go, quickly. And Justin's going to head straight for the toy cupboard and dig out an exciting musical with loads of top quality acting talent.

After that though, it's wild card time, expect the Unusual, the Unorthodox, the Unbelievable and, in a bizarre twist a possibility of Unicorn Umbrellas.

Perhaps best to calm down and take a nap. As long as the room where you do so is fixed up with garlic on the sills and an excellent south facing aspect. Sonar confusing noise-emitters might also prove a boon. You could put a crucifix over the bed but I'm not sure they're still in fashion. V is for Vampire and we're going to round the show off by posing the question what makes a good vampire flick?

Incidental music, as always, by incompetech.com



Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/111The80sKidsABCOfCinemaTUV/111-the-80s-kids-ABC-of-cinema-TUV.mp3

Episode 110: 2009 - Is That All There Is?

The 80s Kids finally run out of road, chronologically speaking, this week as they arrive at their stated destination of 2009. This being the objective of their quest from the beginning. You would expect a chequered flag, a ribbon to break, champagne, fireworks.

Instead, and rather predictably, they just find a load of inconvenient questions...

Where does one file "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"? Was it a good year to be a child? A sci fi fan? A horror fan? What if you like Literary Adaptations? Or just fancied a bit of a laugh? Or splosions? Everyone likes splosions! Surely?

There was certainly a good quantity of product on offer at the close of the noughties. How much of it was any good though? The 80s Kids roll up their sleeves and get stuck into a year like any other, desperately so.

In other news their mysterious nemesis, working on behalf of the evil arch-nemesis Big Bay, finally has the kids cornered. As they've managed to get this far without dying, and now their journey is at its end, you probably won't care much for the resolution of that plot strand though, will you?

Hardly incidental, and actually rather good, music provided by incompetech.com Awesome.



Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/1102009IsThatAllThereIs/110-2009-is-that-all-there-is.mp3

Episode 109: The 80s Kids ABC of Cinema - PQRS

Perfectly primed the 80s kids begin the show reflecting on prejudice and pleasant times. Quite quickly though a queue forms querying the quixotic nature of the team's picks.

Rallying redoubtably the troops regroup to rethink. Reconnoitre random ripping yarns from the silver screen. Slithering slinkily within sight come some suspiciously sublime selections to round out the show.

If all that PQRS alliteration hasn't put you off then maybe themes of monochrome, stop motion, 70s style action, weird porcine adventures, voyeurism, ecology and the sad decline of bankable properties will.

The only way to find out is to take the plunge. Come on in, it's very pleasant.



Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/109The80sKidsABCOfCinemaPQRS/109-the-80s-kids-ABC-of-cinema-PQRS.mp3

Episode 107: The 80s Kids ABC of Movies: MNO

There's some unexpected crossing over on 80s Kids Story Time this week where M and O provide a chance for the kids to find out what they have in common.

It turns out that Ian and Justin both feel some concern that they might be judged, in a cosmic sense. Justin and Leo, on the other hand, are just both at home among hairy gentlemen with big swords, but find luminous dragons an issue.

Aside from this the week's dark volume of lunatic tales ponders on the fatality that comes to British actors called Sean, the possibly copyright infringing silent creatures of the night, and numinous presences that take full advantage of the "N" loophole!

It's enough to drive anyone mad. Possibly best to settle down for a nice meal at a high altitude, and watch out for snipers on the way home from the registry office, won't you?

Music by incompetech.com



Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/Episode107The80sKidsAbcOfMoviesMno/107-the-80s-kids-ABC-of-cinema-MNO.mp3

Episode 106: 2008 - The Revenge Of The 80s Kids

Striking back against Big Bay this week the 80s Kids revel in the year of the Revenge of the 80s Kids. 2008 was the year in which the modern world, and by the modern world I mean the Marvel Cinematic Universe, was born. After the joys of Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, though, what more did 2008 have to offer?

The Punisher is brutal, for sure, and this probably leads to it being unfairly sent to the Marvel Studios naughty corner. Don't forget the other comic book joy on offer this year, DC's finest hour was born in the form of The Dark Knight, and Guillermo Del Toro presented us with Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

Don't get me wrong, there was dross on offer in 2008: The Spirit, Eagle Eye, Quantum of Solace. The thing is, though, that when 2008 got it right it got it so so damn right. Let us not forget The Forbidden Kingdom, Doomsday, Death Race, Transporter 3, Vantage Point and Pineapple Express.

That roster alone should tell you that the 80s Kids were being well served in 2008, let us not forget that this year also gave us the film that told us being a LARPer was fine, nay, not just fine but cool, in the shape of Role Models. Let's grab out rubber swords and geek out about one of the most joyfully nerdy years in cinema history.

Incidental Music by incompetech.com


Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/106TheRevengeOfThe80sKids/106%20-%20The%20Revenge%20of%20the%2080s%20Kids.mp3

Episode 104: The 80s Kids ABC of Cinema - JKL

Back we go! Back to the toy box of the 80s kids to pull forth the pack of letter blocks, separate out three and challenge the kids to make a word from the results. Unfortunately the letters returned are JKL, so anything that is not a noise you make when you first stub your toe is out of the question.

Conversation soon turns, inevitably, to film picks. Ian's first pick is about extreme woodworking, at least it's undertaken by a professional... Justin gets insulting with his first choice leading Leo to rifle through his Smiths records for a soothing tune about the ineffectiveness of snooze alarms on a significant other.

Moving onto K, Leo has an axe to grind, as long as he's dancing while he grinds it, of course. Justin's pick is up to something and wears many hats in order to achieve its nefarious aims. Ian will put things right as long as he doesn't lose an eye playing with knives, or starfish, or both.

They decide, predictably enough, to round off with L where Justin is contemplating failure. Ian is making a high score which could lead him into serious trouble. As the others depart Leo finds himself as the only one left... or some other way to describe that situation.

Incidental music by Kevin Macleod of incompetech.com


Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/104The80sKidsABCOfCinemaJKL/104%20-%20The%2080s%20Kids%20ABC%20of%20Cinema%20-%20JKL.mp3

Episode 102: Hellraiser - Cinema Release For Some, Straight To DVD For Others

The Hellraiser series is an odd duck. A film series that has, over the years, churned out movies featuring that most iconic demon/angel with a love of S&M who cares not for the 'safety word' as he carries off for torture any who have been foolish enough to solve a certain puzzle box.

The films have wavered in quality for arty reactions against the mindless slasher genre to patchwork visions of hell to actually being a mindless monster movie before becoming a property that while yearning for another 'Must see' entry in the canon seems to flounder every time and could be argued fares much better as something roughly jammed into a horror script that wasn't even supposed to feature them.

And so a strange chain of 9ish movies stretching from our 80s home land and into more or less modern day lies before us, and while fan differ on exactly where the golden era exactly falls the jumbled sequence of largely unsynchronized films and DVDs seems to hang together as a body of work, where a wild and fascinating mythology seems to emerge between the cracks.

Realizing there's always safety in numbers the 80s kids have enlisted the aid of horror enthusiast J R Park to help as they navigate their way through one of the most fascinating franchises out there. Hellraiser films good and bad take us between ultimate pleasure and ultimate pain. To think... we hesitated... Incidental Music by incompetech.com

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/102Hellraiser/102%20-%20Hellraiser.mp3

Episode 101: Victorian Action Detective and the Fate of the Dinosaurs

It's after midnight at the beardy discussion diner. The 100th party is over, Justin's eaten too much cake and passed out, so out come the weighty philosophical ideas. What's baking Leo's noodle this week is the twin dilemma that lurks between current copyright law and our digital ability to back up everything.

On the one hand it is sad that copyright material that is not cherished and preserved is lost forever, but creative things are lost all the time. Sure, for some reason we all know about Robin Hood the outlaw of Nottingham who robbed from the rich and gave to the poor but what about Melvin Tabard the Cheeky Bandito of Cleethorpes. He robbed from a variety of people, pooled the money and gave it back to them divided equally, also known as the Dutch Deliverer? We've all forgotten him, or I just made him up to illustrate a point.

The unfortunate fact is that since the mid-noughties it has become almost impossible to get rid of a cultural artifact that, at some point, was rendered into digital format. This sounds good in theory but when people en masse prefer to recycle old things in the form of franchises, sequels, prequels and works based on other works how do we ensure that artists continue to create new, far less popular things?

Ironically, copyright and its ridiculous terms has created, in addition to a sort of enforced forgetting, an enforced create something passably new situation. A work may be "heavily influenced" but it is, at least, its own thing.

Does this make copyright an unintentional hero fighting for the cause of novelty? Almost certainly. Is this new idea likely to be popular? Probably not, new things don't gain much traction in this day and age. Good job we have copyright to fence off huge swathes of intellectual property from lazy artists eh? Who's with me! See, that's what I thought. Not a popular idea. But just WAIT for the sequel! Incidental Music by incompetech.com

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/101NostalgiaAinTWhatItUsedToBe/101%20-%20Nostalgia%20ain_t%20what%20it%20used%20to%20be.mp3

Episode 100: The 80s Kids 100th Show LIVEish

Over the many months our humble podcast has operated we have on occasion numbered most (but not all) of our podcasts. The amount of those shows with numbers has now counted unto a definitive positive 100 and with our second anniversary just a mere two pods away it was decided to leap upon this arbitrary base ten number moment of double zero numerical figure happenstance to declare it a combined 100th and Anniversary occasion, what with our one year anniversary falling on episode 50 and all.

So having gotten our motives out the way let me lay out the fun fact we had a jolly good time celebrating the event on Saturday the 4th of April with a live Google hang out. As a matter of archiving that event is now here as an audio only podcast.

Within this tight package you'll see... or rather hear... Leo, Ian and Justin congratulate each other on things podcast related before answering some listener submitted questions, reflecting on the state of the show...

Normally at these mile stones program makers normally speculate that with X number of things gone there's no reason their won't be X number in the future. Sadly we cannot make this boast. And the future of the Revenge of the 80s Kids and what lies beyond it is greatly discussed. Also... clips. So that's nice. Incidental Music by that most enigmatic but oblivious contributor... the vastly talented incompetech.com

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/10080sKidsEpisodeONEHUNDREDLIVEish/100%20-%2080s%20Kids%20Episode%20ONE%20HUNDRED%20LIVEish.mp3

Episode 99: The 80s Kids ABC of Cinema - GHI

This week the 80s Kids are continuing their alphabet themed ascent through the films they enjoy, or feel someone else should be enjoying. Today we're having merriment with Movies starting with the letters G, H and I.

Ian's G Film sees him get quite animated in places as he goes off for adventure in distant exotic parts Justin's G Film has him in a very bad mood so best not annoy him. Leo's G Film is about an exciting pastime for all the family aged 8 and above ... but then someone got too competitive, an argument broke out about the rules and someone flipped the table and walk off.

Leo's H film is about one hell of a cop. Justin's H film a laughable Hitchcockian thriller. Ian's H film sees everyone stuck indoors for a maths lesson. Ian's I Film is a sobering tale of an ordinary family trying their best to accommodate their new neighbors.

Justin's I Film is a road trip in which life lessons are dispensed by celebrity cameos. Meanwhile Leo's I film has us all looking within for the small hero inside us all. Incidental Music by Incompetech.com

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/099The80sKidsABCOfCinemaGHI/099%20-%20The%2080s%20Kids%20ABC%20of%20Cinema%20-%20GHI.mp3

Episode 26: You Get What You Deserve

Only Leo and Ian this week but they have BIG problems with BIG cinema. Discussions drift from the unloved Ender's Game adaptation to the lack of thought provoking films these days. But aren't we getting the cinema we deserve?

Between the internet's never-ending desire to see the world burn and the current "golden age of television" the big screen is being squeezed. Too big to fail they're playing to the lowest common denominator for as many humans on seats as possible. Spectacle and lots of explosions is something TV can't do, so it isn't surprising film production leans that way.

High budget, thought provoking films have been made and died unseen, worse, they died with hails of vitriol from the internet. But how is any of that the film maker's fault? With our dollars and pounds we've shaped the market we have now and show little sign of changing our habits. Leo has a lot to say, Ian just wants chicken.

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/026YouGetWhatYouDeserve/026-You-Get-What-You-Deserve.mp3

Episode 17: Pixel Perfect Casting

The 80s Kids are, like everyone else, rocked by the news that Ben Affleck is to become... Batfleck. Discussion on casting choices for important movies follows close on behind.

If that doesn't provide enough spirited discussion for you then an all too brief overview of the dysfunctional relationship between movies and video games should be all you require to completely fill your head with chat.


Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/017PixelPerfectCasting/017-Pixel-Perfect-Casting.mp3