Episode 136: Why in the Spiderverse is genre so HARD?

In the beginning was Superman, and shortly thereafter Tim Burton's Batman. Marvel characters had no movies and the fanboys went without. And Fox brought forth X-Men. And Hugh Jackman probably didn't know how many times he would be called upon to play Wolverine, but the audience loved it, and so the studios saw that it was good. Shortly thereafter Sony brought forth the first Spider-man, Raimi's Spider-man, and, despite being a little bit creepy, generally, he too was deemed to be a good.

Sony returned to the Spider-man well twice more, but on the third occasion the well of lucre was poisoned with unnecessary Venom, and the audience did feel that Spider-man 3 was bloated and now Spidey himself was just creepy, and even the Sandman and Hobgoblin could not save the movie from being underwhelming in the extreme. And Raimi did wander in the desert until making Drag Me To Hell, which was more his cup of tea.

A very short time following Spider-man 3 Sony attempted to refresh the well. "Lo!" they said unto the audience. "Look thou upon new Spider-man, for he is Amazing!" And the audience did look upon the tall and handsome face of new Spider-man and did say: "Well, maybe not Amazing, but Adequate, definitely." And Sony spake thus: "We cannot call a movie franchise 'The Adequate Spider-man', so we will stick with Amazing."

And Sony returned again to the well of lucre, but they did see in the next land that Marvel's well of lucre brought forth the wonders of yon "Cinematic Universe" and they were sore with envy. So when the Adequate... sorry, Amazing Spider-man 2 came forth from Sony's well of lucre it was tainted with envy and mutated by the worn stubs of a failed "Cinematic Universe".

Thus did Sony come to Marvel and propose a deal. They offered to return Spider-man (who was just on indefinite loan from Marvel) on a limited basis if they would bless the Spider-man with the water of the "Cinematic Universe". And Marvel did work out the deal with Sony, and they plunged a newly minted Spider-man into a Civil War between the mid-ranking officer of the Americas and the man forged of Iron. The audience did see it and were now Amazed. And Sony and Marvel did turn to the audience and spake thus: "No, this Spider-man is NOT Amazing, he is just Spider-man" and the audience did say: "Well, if you're sure." At home later the audience did in secret speak thusly: "I am confident this Spider-man is more Amazing than the last one."

And Spider-man did have his own movie in Marvel's "Cinematic Universe" which they did call "Homecoming" and Sony gritted their teeth, for the well of lucre did flow. And Spider-man partook in the Infinity War and survived the Endgame of those who Avenge, finally he found himself "Far From Home" and the well of lucre was bountiful for both Marvel and Sony.

But Sony, once more overconfident and partaking of the iffy Venom, did snatch back the Spider-man. Marvel offered unto Sony a couple of possible deals but Sony declared them to be not good enough. The fandom saw this sundering of the "Cinematic Universe" and there was wailing, and gnashing of teeth.

But Sony did not immediately back down. They spoke to the people and said: "Did we not deliver an averagely good Venom movie? And did we not also deliver unto thee 'Into The Spiderverse' which was much better than anyone expected?" And the people did accept this, but they did not wholly believe Sony could pull this off and they were sore afraid that the next Spider-man movie would be a big pile of poo.

Lo! Marvel did offer another bag of money unto Sony, and they also passed secrets amongst themselves. And suddenly Spider-man was back in the "Cinematic Universe" and some people were even a bit disappointed because they had wanted to see what Sony would do.

The stout ones, those Kids from the 80s watched upon all of this and shook their ancient heads. "Spider-man should literally be a license to print money," spake Ian. "I know." spake Leo. "People trivialise genre, but it is a lot harder and more complicated than it looks."

And Martin Scorsese said nothing further.

This episode uses an excerpt of Bongo Avenger by Eric & Ryan Kilkenny

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/136whyinthespiderverseisgenresohard/136-Why-in-the-Spiderverse-is-genre-so-HARD.mp3

Episode 129: The Superheroes Win Again - Summer Predictions 2019

We are the 80s Kids and we predict the future.

It's that time again. Summer is upon us, has been since early Feb according to the studios, and the Kids have to play their game of picking the Box Office winners from the various genres as well as pointing out the notable losers and just generally giving everyone a heads up on the major players coming out this summer.

The lack of major global sporting events leads to a less "doughnutty" distribution schedule this year. There's a steady stream of interesting items on the way. Even so, there's some curve balls and obvious bad ideas that things are still interesting. Hollywood has not, as yet, cracked the "good enough" level where every movie released is obviously going to appeal to someone.

So, let's do a quick reconnoitre of the upcoming Summer and see what else is out apart from that Avengers movie, a Fast and Furious spin off and a thousand Disney "live action" remakes.

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/129SuperheroesWinAgainSummerPredictions2019/129-Superheroes-Win-Again-Summer-Predictions-2019.mp3

Episode 119: The Vin Diesel Problem

Technical snafus, out of context Justin, gentlemen having problems, not being able to do things... anymore, these are all the things that made the 80s Kids a beloved, nay, tolerated, nay, largely ignored, cultural artefact of the latter years. But are audiences still into the authentic 80s Kids vibe? Or do they crave the great 80s Kids flavour without all that calorific canon weighing them down? Only one way to be sure: REBOOT!

But can this really be a reboot? After all, this is labelled episode 119, Leo and Ian still bicker away at the podcast's core and someone called Justin occasionally chips in with a relevant or interesting tidbit. The theme tune has not been reworked, the format is mostly similar. Are these jokers trying to give us a continuation dressed up as a reboot? Is it enough that their eye is, most certainly, fixed on the franchise?

It would appear that the only answer is for us to pull on our reboots and trample all over the reboots of latter times, The A Team, Batman Begins, Spider-man (twice!), Ghostbusters, Terminator and that ever present Vin Diesel Problem. The complicated and confusing world of reboots is bound to get the 80s Kids to venture into choppy waters this week. Let's hope that this podcast pays adequate respects to the podcasts that went before whilst offering new hope for growth and development in the future, shall we?

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/202RebootsEditFinal/2-02-Reboots-Edit-Final.mp3

Episode 103: 2007 - Big Bay Strikes Back!

History itself has conformed to a shape that tells us the 80s Kids had a destiny, an epic birthright and a pleasing plot arc. For we have arrived at 2007, a mere three years from the finish line to find a wasteland, a cinematic apocalypse lurking in an unexpected location.

2007 was so devoid of worth that it's amazing that people let it pass as if it was just another year. Forget the fact that this is the year of the first Bayformers, we have and we feel much better for it. This is the year in which you could count the number of truly successful movies on the digits of two hands and not even need the thumbs.

Hot Fuzz, Enchanted, Stardust, a Potter, a Bourne and we're pretty much done. Sure we had 300 featuring Gerard Butler in a pair of Y-Fronts and a cloak, a Spartan outfit indeed. We had a tepid Simpsons Movie. After those meagre pickings however you're in the arena of "letting things off the hook".

Ratatouille did nothing for Pixar's reputation, Spider Man 3 is still derided for the creation of emo-Parker, I Am Legend was a vehicle for Will Smith's massive ego, Beowulf gave Sue a headache because of the 3-D and Leo a headache because of everything else, the less said about Bridge To Terabithia the better. The mediocre dross keeps spewing.

The Golden Compass is like dust on the wind, 1408 is all but forgotten, Blood & Chocolate thankfully missed the Twihard wannabe boat, The Invasion was the remake ashamed of its own story, The Number 23 is as disappointing as only the 22nd sequel in any franchise could be, Hitman failed to hit the mark, Shooter suffered from a remarkable lack of action and War demonstrated that you shouldn't ever put Jet Li and Jason Statham in the same place at the same time.

Ian tries to lighten the mood with a wry observation arising from the implications of AvP:Requiem. It's no good, however, we're trapped in a tin can in a vacuum at the mercy of our arch-nemesis and the air is running low. Truly the darkest point of the journey, so grim Justin can't even be bothered to make an out of context remark. Let's just hope we can extricate ourselves from this mess before it's too late...

Incidental Music by incompetech.com


Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/103Films2007BigBayStrikesBack/103%20-%20Films%202007%20Big%20Bay%20Strikes%20Back.mp3

Episode 91: 2004 - Alien King Arthur of the Dead and the Catwoman of Azkaban Versus Predator Sky Captain Helsing's Spiderford Wives Team America of the Spotless Robot

Delayed by a mere 24 hours episode 91 is finally here!

This week the Decade trotting trio confront the Bombs and Booms of 2004's Film choices! I'm sure I can fill a few sentences with humorous and informative descriptions of what we talked about. But really, doesn't the films of 2004 sum it all up already?

I really feel I'd be repeating myself if I went into any more detail about which films in particular. I mean, google the darn year and you'll see this is the time of Van Helsing, Catwoman, I Robot, King Arthur, The Third Harry Potter Film, Team America, District 13, AvP, The Chronicles of Riddick, Spiderman 2, Hellboy, The Stepford Wives, Bourne Supremacy, Man on Fire, Shaun of the Dead and Blade Trinity to name but a few.

With our rose tinted glasses we predictably rifle our way though this jumble of date collected movies, offering opinions on the fly on the remembered big hitters and the forgotten bombs of this yesteryear ... erm .... year.

If you don't know what the 80s kids are like by now ... well ... you're very much like the other 99.999999999999% of the internet, so why not stand out and give us a listen? Incidental Music by incompetech.com

Direct Link:

https://archive.org/download/091Films2004AlienKingArthurOfTheDead/091%20-%20Films%202004%20-%20Alien%20King%20Arthur%20of%20the%20Dead%20and%20the%20Catwoman%20of%20Azkaban%20verses%20Predator%20Sky%20Captain%20Helsing_s%20Spiderford%20Wives%20Team%20America%20of%20the%20Spotless%20iRobot.mp3

Episode 83: 2002 - Everything Is Awesome... Mostly

It's 2002, the year when a lot of the darkness and edge that Hollywood had been striving for in the 90s started to crystallise. The Bourne Identity reinvented espionage, Blade II reinvented vampires and Attack of the Clones brought the burgeoning field of incoherence to new levels of depth and complexity.

The 80s Kids had a great time in 2002 and aren't afraid to let their emotions show on the topic. Good thing for them that they don't live in the world of Equilibrium, both for plot-relevant reasons and because Leo still believes it is the worst film he has ever seen in a cinema to date.

On the subject of the underwhelm aside from the aforementioned clones we also had the Potter film most universally agreed to be "a bit meh" Chamber of Secrets and the forgettable sequel to Men in Black so snoozeworthy it's not even discussed in passing. To protect us from the parade of mediocrity are a number of exciting new developments and spectacular labours of love to go along with Bourne. This is, after all, the year of Raimi's Spiderman and Spielberg's Minority Report.

Can anyone declare the year which brought us Death To Smoochy, Cypher and The Transporter a failure? Can the 80s Kids? Turn on, download and find out. Incidental Music by Incompetech

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/083Films2002/083%20-%20Films%202002.mp3

Episode 43: Summer 2014 - Swords, Sandals, Superheroes and Sci Fi

The ever expanding Summer release schedule is that special time of year when studios let loose their best movies. Like chicks pushed from the nest and wrapped in a blanket of warm hope these films are sent off to the glowing arch way of the box office. There they'll be ushered before the great viewing public to do battle for popularity or at very least kill the competition in some kind of bloody and humiliating way.

This arena of duelling films couldn't possibly commence without our favourite three 80s boys placing lots on who'll be the winners in this years Film-off. So come join us in our royal box as we inspect this years fighters. And what a crop we have! The return of Captain America, Spider-man and just about all the X-Men who ever were. The Biblical flood defying alcoholic Noah and no less than two Hercules with a side order of extra Spartans.

Also Rising from the grave like something no longer a trilogy comes another unwanted Transformers movie but the shape changing monster trucks are dwarfed by the long shadow of Godzilla, ready to eat your Planes and Dragons no matter how well you've trained them. But while the bets are being placed on the coming box office melee and who will be the winner it's clear the 80s Kids have a soft spot for Guardians of the Galaxy and a troop of anthropomorphic Monkeys. Will they prevail? Well. We don't know yet. That answer is months away. In the meantime here is an hour of free speculation.

Direct Link: https://archive.org/download/043Summer2014/043-Summer-2014.mp3